We watched as he walked towards our table, the apprehension clear on his face. ‘Guys, this is Tash and her friend.’ The girl friend in question immediately sat down and gazed around. She looked like there was a bad smell just under her nose. My friend sat opposite sized her up. ‘Large’ was the conclusion. She sniffed, her mouth an unflinching downturned grimace. With a thoughtful expression he turned to another lad who had the bad luck to be sat next to her. ‘Tell me, what do you look for in a fat girl?’ I had to leave the table.
I caught sight of my reflection in the glass. The tie that I hated billowed out behind me like the tail of a comet, marking my calm descent. There was no going back. I wasn’t prepared to feel regret, such irrational remorse that it completely mocked the finality to my decision. I saw all the things that would never be and longed for them. The sense of irony was almost palpable. Pictures of an alternate life formed and danced behind my eyelids. I just hoped I would see them all before I hit the ground. Maybe I shouldn’t have jumped.
‘Are you sure you can do this?’ she asked. The hint of nerves was unmistakable. I couldn’t blame her. The car was called ‘Siobhan’ and it worked best going downhill with the engine off. The headlights had dwindled so I waved my phone from the driver’s window trying to illuminate a meagre few inches while we coasted down the dirt road. ‘Hey, who you talking to?’ I said in false bravado. I tried my best to follow the brake light of a motorcycle in front. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I didn’t even have my driver’s license.